Today on the front page of the Los Angeles Times, I read a wonderous story of holiday cheer and goodwill.  Apparently, on black friday, at a Toys R Us in Palm Desert, California, 2 grown men killed each other.

After the initial shock and wave of disgust passed, I found myself reciting a Shel Silverstein poem in my head:

“…Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and SHOT each other…”

This melee began with 2 women arguing over the same item. Their boyfriends, (obviously fresh from their good neighbor diplomacy course,) decided to assist with the negotiations.  The first boyfriend raised his shirt to show the other his handgun.  The other boyfriend, clearly moved by the first party’s gesture of goodwill, pulled his own handgun and pointed it in the face of the first and threatened to kill him.  Detente, however, did not ensue as the second man chased the first down the aisles of the toy store shooting at each other.

In a toystore, I could imagine children, demonstrating the various laser tag devices on the market today.  Laughing and giggling as they run through the racks of G.I Joes, transformers and Barbie Dolls as they finally faced off in the electric toy car section.  Once there, they can face each other in an epic gun battle reminiscent of Wyatt Earp and the Clanton Gang at the O.K. Corral.  Using the plastic cars as cover, they dodge from left to right as their toy guns make laser beam sounds each time they squeeze off the trigger, hoping to hear the “Scoring” sound when their foe is “hit”

This was, however, not the case.  The reports of the gunshots were real gunshots.  Nearby witnesses could see the smoking guns held tightly in the hands of these 2 thugs.  This human trash, carrying their weapons in their hands hoping to kill the other, regardless of the innocents they might have hurt.

Somewhere along the course of the initial argument between these 2 women, their 2 “men” made a choice to use lethal force.  Over a childs toy.  They were determined to kill each other at all costs.

There is a happy ending to this story:  They somehow managed to kill each other and no one else was hurt.  Dont get me wrong. Somewhere, there are some children who probably lost their fathers yesterday.  That makes me feel sad.  Hopefully they learn the pain of violence and use it to make the world a better place.

Who the fuck carries a gun to a toy store? Not one person, but TWO?  What are the odds of this?  If 2 people were packing heat, how many others were?

What the fuck is the matter with you people?

I dont blame video games, television to this.  This is a bunch of people making poor decisions.  Thats right.  They DECIDED to kill each other.  They DECIDED to walk this path.  This Christmas Season, these 2 men decided that taking a life was the most important thing in the world.  I dont think it started like that.  I think the first guy wanted to scare the other into letting his girlfriend have the toy.  I bet he was fucking surprised to see the other son of a bitch had a gun and was going to defend himself. I guess at that point, the die was cast.

Innocent children and adults filling the store on the first official day of the christmas shopping season, and 2 men decided they didnt care.  When its all over, do the respective women consider the choices they made in boyfriends?

Do we have to think about metal detectors at Toys R Us?  Vons?  Macys?

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?  DO WE HAVE TO DO ALL OF OUR SHOPPING ONLINE NOW BECAUSE OF YOU ASSHOLES?

Merry Fucking Christmas you assholes.  The only bad news here is that you didnt live long enough to get sent to prison where you end up married to a couple of mean men.

John Lyle